Barry Unwin – Hanley Castle, Welland 11 Feb 2016
21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny. (Matthew 5:21-26)
Before we have our bible reading, I’d like to show you a little video that’s relevant to our topic this morning.
Let’s pray.
I was talking to a lady recently. She was married, and not happy. And I asked her, “Did you wake up grouchy this morning?” And she replied, “No I let him have a lie in.”
I want to talk to you today about something that affects us all: anger. Anger like road rage – That term we use to describe our reactions to those who WE feel are unfit to drive on our roads.
According to one newspaper
- 45% of us regularly lose our temper at work.
- 64% of Britons working in an office have had office rage.
- 33% of us aren’t speaking to our next door neighbour, and 5% of us have come to blows with them.
- One wife said, “My husband is so temperamental, 50% temper, 50% mental.”
- 27% of nurses have been attacked at work.
- 85% of us are annoyed by people who answer mobile phones during meetings. So if you aren’t the boss – take note!
- 50% of us have reacted to a computer problem by hitting our PC.[1]
Anger is one of those subjects we all struggle with…and Jesus had some pretty challenging words for us in our gospel reading.
You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgement.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgement..” (Matthew 5:21)
What he’s saying is – those moments when we’ve thought “I COULD KILL HIM…” Well God is going to treat us as though we have. You know the old line, “If looks could kill…” – Well Jesus treats us like they do.
The thing, we don’t all get angry in the same way, do we?
Some of us are Maniacs. Exploders, who blow-up, throw things, yell, rage.
The first murder in human history was down to this – Cain killed his brother Abel out of jealousy and anger.
Others handle anger by going Mute. They’ll never admit they are angry. They conceal it, put on a happy face: “Who me? Angry? No, everything is fine.”But secretly they’re holding it in, repressing it.
But you can’t deal with anger that way. It just makes you ill. Repressed anger just surfaces elsewhere in our bodies: Our Muscles tense up, leading to raised blood pressure. Or our gut reacts – ulcers, IBS, and so on.
The Roman philosopher Senaca said,
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”’
Then there’s those who deal with anger by becoming The Manipulator.
Rather than exploding like a maniac, Manipulators retaliate in underhand ways. Sarcasm, jibes, little insults. Hurtful humour. The whole passive-aggressive thing. Little acts of revenge: “you spoiled my sleep with your snoring so I’ll burn your toast.”
So which one are you? Maniac, Mute or Manipulator? Like a lot of vicars, I’m probably a Mute. But whichever one you are – you’re nursing a load of anger that needs managing and transforming or it will lead into sin.
So how do we manage our anger?
Well the first thing I want to say is that not all anger is wrong.
The Bible uses the word angry / anger 455 times. And 375 of those are about God being angry over things like human cruelty and injustice.
Jesus gives us a great example of righteous anger in the Temple with the money-changers. Do you remember the story? He was angry because they were making it hard for the poor and foreigners to meet with God.
So not all anger is wrong. In fact, sometimes righteous anger can drive us to do some great things. Part of the motivation for William Wilberforce’s campaign to abolish slavery from the British empire was his anger over the injustice of slavery.
The problem with righteous anger, is that we aren’t very good at distinguishing it from self-righteous anger. Which is the sort of anger we feel most of the time. So let’s think about some ways to deal with our anger.
A great first thing to do when you feel anger rising up in you is to:
1)Stop And Think Before You Speak
As the old saying goes,
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
I was at a play last week and someone said of one of the actors that, “he’s very good at getting angry and shouting.” Now that’s alright in the theatre, but where else in life would people say to us,
Oh I love the way you lost your temper!”
That’s why the Bible tells us,
Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19)
So when you feel yourself getting angry – heart beating faster, quicker breathing, body getting tense, clenching your jaw and fists – that’s the time to stop and think before you speak. You might have to count to ten or walk away from the situation to do that. But walking away is better than letting fly.
And walking away gives you time to …
2) Understand your anger
The vast majority of times we get angry, it’s with someone we know, rather than someone we don’t. That’s actually why roadrage is such an odd phenomena– because it’s anger against strangers.
But as I say, most of our anger is directed at people we know. Spouse. Parent. Child. Fellow Church Member. Work colleague. And the reason they hurt so much is because we expect people who know to treat us better.
My son has been refereeing his brother’s football games for recently – and they finds that quite hard, because although the referee son is being completely fair, the footballer son expects his brother to be biased towards him. And that’s what we expect the people we know to be. Biased towards us. And we get angry when they aren’t.
Now there are other times, our anger might not be due to some big personal insult, but due to an accumulation of small stresses: your boss ignored you, your husband kept you awake all night snoring, all the other idiots on the road, and you can’t even get a cup of tea because the milk’s gone off…
On their own each thing is trivial, but add them all together and you’re a ticking timebomb, someone’s gonna get the whole lot dumped on them. So how do you deal with your anger so the timebomb doesn’t go off? Learn to…
3)Look for the signs
So …when you feel yourself getting angry, try to slow your breathing down, relax your body. Try to distract yourself. Prayer is great for this – ask God to help you calm down. It’s okay to talk to God when you’re angry. Shout at him instead of your neighbour! He’s big enough to take it. And much better at forgiveness.
Sometimes dealing with our anger means
4)We need to apologise
This is particularly important in the church family. Remember our reading? Jesus said,
if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23)
But of course reconciliation is important in every relationship – not just in church – and the quicker we do it – the better.
St Paul says,
Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil.” (Eph.4:26, NLT)
So try to sort it out the same day. The quicker the better. Apologise if you need to. And forgive if you can. That’s the hardest bit of the Lord’s prayer isn’t it? “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” But forgiveness is often an essential part of letting go of anger.
Its probably also the hardest – along with developing the sort of self-control we are going to need to overcome anger.
So the final, and most important thing we need to do, is seek God’s help by
5) asking God to Fill You With His Holy Spirit
You see, when the pressure is on us, and we start getting grumpy and irritable, then whatever is inside us, is going to come out. So we’ve gotta make sure that God’s on the inside!
If we’re full up with God’s Spirit, then good things come out of us. What the Bible calls, the fruit of the Spirit –
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.’ (Gal.5:22)
When you’re under pressure, those are the things you want to be coming out of you, not bitterness, rage and anger. And it’s only be letting the Holy Spirit renew our hearts, that we can really be more like Jesus.
But what about all those times we’ve been angry in the past? Well the wonderful news of the gospel is that God forgives if we are truly sorry.
2,000 years ago God allowed his Son Jesus to be murdered. On a dark Friday afternoon, anger and wickedness were overcome by love and forgiveness. God allowed His Son to be murdered so we could be given life, and so that our anger and bitterness, could be transformed into joy and peace.
And we can know that today. If we’ll just ask. If we’ll invite Jesus to give us that new beginning he promises,And to fill us with his Holy Spirit.
I’m gonna’ stop there.
Would you pray with me?
Jesus, we all have unforgiveness and hatred in our hearts. You know all our failings and weaknesses. Through your death on a cross, be merciful to us and forgive us. Fill us with your Holy Spirit. And produce in us, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and self-control. Help us to defuse anger, and pursue reconciliation in our lives, In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Note: Parts of this talk were adapted from a series I preached a few years ago, based on J.John’s Just 10 source material (which he gives to preachers to adapt/reuse).
[1] http://www.mindyouranger.com/anger/anger-statistics/